Tuesday, 20 June 2017

Trapped Alone

The past two weeks we have been writing two descriptive paragraphs about what we see in the photo below. We had to use descriptive words to show not tell. I enjoyed doing this because we had to make it descriptive so the reader can make a picture in their mind. Next time I will add use more descriptive words.

 The Man

Heavy loud drips on the roof echoed thorugh the darkness, the man finally found shelter. Light from the moon seeps in through the cracks and pinches the mans muddy, filthy face. The sound of big claps from the sky become muffled by the howling wind. Every movement he makes creates an explosion of dust and a series of soft creaks. The man becomes dizzy as an excessive amount of dust bursts into the air and suffocates him. The man has not been in the shelter for long but has discovered it has not been used in a while.

His eyes close as he struggles to keep them open, his heavy breathing radiates around the building . As he starts to doze off, his body is beginning to relax and his breathing is getting fainter every minute. When the man is in a light slumber, he awoke with the sound of rats scuttering in the walls. Nibbling and scratching from in the walls, rang in his ears and created his body to become stiff. The heat from his body emits into the cold, dead air. The mans frostbiten nose and toes struggle to find warmth, so the man curls up into a ball and uses his own heat as a blanket. After several hours he finally loses himself in a deep sleep that in a way feels like he is in  hybernation because he slept for what seemed to be an unending amount of time.

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  1. Hey Briellem!
    I really liked your story, it really captivated me and I really want to find out what happens next. I hope you keep writing!
    From Hannah,
    Yaldhurst Model School

    1. Hi Hannah!
      Thank you so much for your feedback it really motivates me to keep writing. I had alot of fun trying to hook the reader into my story and im glad you feel the way you do about my writing!
      Hope you check out my blog again!


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